Difference between Criticism & Contempt

Relationship Counseling expert Dr John Gottman explains four such “poisonous” ways of interacting that prevent resolving marriage problems constructively. In order of least to most dangerous, theses common behavioral problems are:

• criticism
• contempt
• defensiveness
• stonewalling

As per definition given in Wikipedia  Contempt is an intense feeling or attitude of regarding someone or something as inferior, base, or worthless—it is similar to scorn. Contempt is also defined as the state of being despised or dishonored; disgrace, and an open disrespect or willful disobedience of the authority of a court of law or legislative body.

This pattern involves attacking someone’s personality rather than their behaviour. Airing a complaint, though it may not be pleasant, is a healthy marital or relationship activity - much healthier than suppressing the grievance. Criticism, on the other hand, entails making a personal attack or accusation.
Whereas complaints usually begin with the word I, criticisms usually begin with you. As an example, “I wish we travelled more” is a complaint, whereas “you never take me on holiday” is a criticism. Criticism may seem just a hairs breadth beyond complaining, but receiving a criticism really does feel far worse than receiving a complaint

  

This common marriage or relationship problem often follows directly from the first. It is a significant problem for a marriage or coupl because it can poison a relationship. The difference between contempt and criticism, according to Gottman, is that contempt implies the intention to insult and psychologically abuse ones partner. When contempt appears, it can overwhelm the relationship and eclipse positive feelings between partners. Some of the most common expressions of contempt are snide or antagonistic remarks, a mocking attitude and hostile humour. These are all examples of the second common marriage problem, and once a relationship features such interactions, little joy is possible for either partner.

Coughlin's Law

I was watching this movie Cocktail on star movies...I liked the conversation between the main protagonist Brian ( Tom cruise) & his friend Doug..

When Doug wants to give any advice to Brian, he always uses Douglas Coughlin quotes. 'Douglas Coughlin, Logical Negativist. Flourished in the last part of the 20th Century. Propounded a set of laws the world generally ignores, to its detriment.'
'Coughlin's Law; Anything else is always something better.'
'Coughlin's law: never tell tales about a woman. No matter how far away she is, she'll always hear you.'
'Coughlin's Law; Bury the dead, they stink up the place.'
'Coughlin's diet: cocktails and dreams.'
'Coughlin's Law: Never show surprise, never lose your cool.'
'I don't care how liberated this world becomes - a man will always be judged by the amount of alcohol he can consume - and a woman will be impressed, whether she likes it or not.'
'However, falling down the stairs is allowed!'
'As for the rest of Coughlin's Laws, ignore them. The guy was always full of shit.'

The new Normal

It’s forecasting time again. My team is geared up for to forecast as accurately as possible. Definition of forecasting has changed drastically in the current scenario. Earlier we used to work with two or three scenarios. Now for every scenario we have a sub scenario.

I was reading one article on economist about the “new normal”. When things become predictable & you can take it for granted it’s said to be normal. The new normal is uncertain. Uncertainty is the way of life now. For some organizations, near-term survival is the only agenda item. Others are peering through the fog of uncertainty, thinking how to position them once the crisis has passed and the situation is normal again. The question is, “How will the normal look like?” While no one can say how long the crisis will last, what we find on the other side will not look like the normal of recent years. The new normal will be shaped by a confluence of powerful forces—some arising directly from the financial crisis and some that were at work long before it began.

But the good thing about uncertainty is it’s interesting. Nobody can say that their work is monotonous & boring.

A foggy morning in Bangalore

It's a foggy morning in Bangalore . I came out to catch my bus to office. It reminds me of a recent news flashing on my TV screen about Delhi. Delhi is covered with thick fog, Visibility reduced to mere 50 meters. some people even claimed that they are finding it difficult to breath & facing some kind of itching in their eyes.

Well !! Let me welcome everyone to the new world of climate change, this is what we will get if we don’t work towards reducing green house effect. Foggy morning, uneven rains . Nobody knows what stores in future for all of us.

The good news is Indian Govt is finally waked up & it’s finally trying to do something about it. The government has almost halved the acceptable limits for polluting gases like sulphur dioxide, nitrogen dioxide and carbon monoxide. The key bits are that residential and industrial areas will have the same limits. Also National Environment Protection Authority (NEPA) is being given more powers to crackdown on polluters.

I really welcome these steps, lets hope that it’s not going to be just another act.

Performing horizontal eye movement exercises can boost your creativity

I was reading a blog on my favorite behavior science website BPS research Digest that Performing horizontal eye movement exercises can boost your creativity . The idea behind this research is the cross talk between both hemispheres of mind. Creativity depends on how both side of your brain work as well as interacts with each other.  This research is done by Elizabeth Shobe. I quote from the BPS summary:

“Shobe's team tested 62 participants on a version of the "Alternative Uses Test", a divergent thinking challenge that involves dreaming up unconventional uses for everyday objects such as bricks and newspapers.

An important factor that the researchers took note of was the participants' handedness. Prior research has suggested that people who have one hand that is particularly dominant, so-called "strong-handers", have less cross-talk between their brain hemispheres compared with people who are more ambidextrous or "mixed handed".

So, any exercise which helps cross talking of both sides of brain can help in improving creativity. Performing horizontal eye movement exercise is on of such exercise. The research also finds that ambidextrous people are better in creativity than others.  

Still in depth analysis is to be done in this area. As always I say “comment please” 

Obama bows down to Japanese King

I don’t know why there is so fuss about it, this is an Asian tradition when you bows down to anyone it does not mean that you are smaller then them. It’s a simple gesture of respect to your elders. I watched on TV that democrats are very unhappy about it. But why, why should they be unhappy about it. It means if you are an American president you should not respect anyone. I don’t see this as an issue, I am very sad to say that this is just political.

Comments pls

Check out these pics.. The Berlin Wall, 20 years gone

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/11/the_berlin_wall_20_years_gone.html

Marketing

Some book publishers don't like the Kindle. Either they're afraid of it or they've crunched the numbers and they don't like what they see. (Some days, 95% of the top selling Kindle titles are free... demonstrating that digital goods with zero marginal cost and plentiful substitutes tend to move to zero in price).
Worried about the medium, they hold back, delay or even refuse to support it.
Which is fine if you have market power, but you likely don't. No publisher does, certainly. The Beatles couldn't stop iTunes from changing the record business by sitting out the platform, and there's no book publisher who can stop the Kindle alone.
It's tempting to look at a high-momentum market innovation, something that brings efficiency but leaves change in its wake, and try to stop it single-handedly. Tempting, but not so smart, I think. The market waits for no one.
The alternative to joining in is to sit out the game loudly. Don't just hold back your support, organize your peers. Create a (sometimes illegal) coordinated effort to stop innovation. I'm not going to bet much on your efforts, but it will certainly outperform a solo effort.
Quiet, passive-aggressive whining in the corner is both annoying and ineffective.

The Happiness Genie

I regularly follow Scot Adam's ( Dilbert's fame) blog. Yesterday I came across this amazing written blog about relationship.

Suppose a genie appears and gives you two choices. The first option is that he will give you $10 million dollars, but everyone else you know will get $20 million apiece.

Choice two: You get $5 million, but no one else gets anything.

As a bonus, the genie offers to erase your memory of having made the choice, so guilt will never be a factor. You will simply wake up the next day in the new situation

Which option do you choose to maximize your personal happiness?

This might seem like an easy choice. You take the $10 million and your friends will get $20 million each. Everyone wins. Unfortunately, I don't think humans are wired that way. Happiness is based on the direction your life is heading (better or worse), and what you have compared to what you think you should have.

If you take the genie's $10 million option, over time you will start feeling like the poorest person you know, since everyone else has $20 million apiece. You will wonder what you did in a past life to deserve this shabby treatment from the universe. The ugly truth about humans is that your happiness might be maximized by screwing everyone you know while screwing yourself half as much.

If you buy this premise, it has interesting implications for personal relationships. For example, it means that one way to cheer up an unhappy friend is to put yourself in a bad situation, thus resetting the reference point. The splinter in your finger only makes you unhappy when you're not talking to someone who has a railroad spike through his head