Difference between Criticism & Contempt

Relationship Counseling expert Dr John Gottman explains four such “poisonous” ways of interacting that prevent resolving marriage problems constructively. In order of least to most dangerous, theses common behavioral problems are:

• criticism
• contempt
• defensiveness
• stonewalling

As per definition given in Wikipedia  Contempt is an intense feeling or attitude of regarding someone or something as inferior, base, or worthless—it is similar to scorn. Contempt is also defined as the state of being despised or dishonored; disgrace, and an open disrespect or willful disobedience of the authority of a court of law or legislative body.

This pattern involves attacking someone’s personality rather than their behaviour. Airing a complaint, though it may not be pleasant, is a healthy marital or relationship activity - much healthier than suppressing the grievance. Criticism, on the other hand, entails making a personal attack or accusation.
Whereas complaints usually begin with the word I, criticisms usually begin with you. As an example, “I wish we travelled more” is a complaint, whereas “you never take me on holiday” is a criticism. Criticism may seem just a hairs breadth beyond complaining, but receiving a criticism really does feel far worse than receiving a complaint

  

This common marriage or relationship problem often follows directly from the first. It is a significant problem for a marriage or coupl because it can poison a relationship. The difference between contempt and criticism, according to Gottman, is that contempt implies the intention to insult and psychologically abuse ones partner. When contempt appears, it can overwhelm the relationship and eclipse positive feelings between partners. Some of the most common expressions of contempt are snide or antagonistic remarks, a mocking attitude and hostile humour. These are all examples of the second common marriage problem, and once a relationship features such interactions, little joy is possible for either partner.